Patience is A Virtue (It’s too bad I’m not virtuous)

We are 27 days into our wait.  Even though I know the average is 6 to 18 months, I heard so many stories about getting a call the first or second week and even having a baby in their arms by this time in their wait.  I felt like I was ready for and even expecting a call those first two weeks.  Now I feel like I would be shocked to get the call.  I almost feel less prepared.

Even though I should be preparing my home for a baby, I can’t bring myself to buy any more stuff.  I just feel so strange doing it.  Since I am not pregnant, I don’t feel like I’m “expecting” a baby.  We have made a list of what we need to get if we get a call from the hospital.  It would make sense to have those things on hand so we wouldn’t be running around with a newborn trying to get everything, but I just can’t justify it.  It almost doesn’t seem real.  I think to myself, could I really be bringing a baby home in as little as 4 days?

I am also having trouble getting motivated to call the pediatrician again (see blog entry A Pediatrician Story) because I feel like I would be wasting their time since I don’t know when it’s going to happen, even though our social worker told us to find a pediatrician.  I also need to contact the adoption lawyer, but I also feel that it is premature to do that as well.  I know that other people are also unsure what to think.  They’re wondering if they should throw a baby shower now or after the baby arrives.  I don’t know what to tell them.  I’m sure it would make me feel more prepared to have a shower now, but how long will the stuff be sitting here, unusable?  Will they feel strange buying for a baby that is still out there somewhere, or doesn’t even exist yet?  I don’t know.

The excitement of the upcoming baby is slowly drifting into routine malaise.  The nursery used to be near holy ground, now it stores the empty tubs from the latest weekend project.  Scott’s phone needed charging last night.  Had this been four weeks ago, we would have brought the charger to the bedroom, but instead we left it downstairs.  Not likely to miss a call.  Even writing these posts have been a bit more difficult.  Why keep updating our friends and family when there are no updates?

We’ve been lucky so far.  Once or twice a week, something will invigorate our enthusiasm once again.  An e-mail from Scott’s mom about being excited to come out when we bring our child home, a far off friend sending a thoughtful e-mail, babysitting a child that reminds you why you’re doing this in the first place.  I guess I must learn patience…our child will come when the time is right.

4 responses

  1. Oh Steph….just because you’re not carrying a baby doesn’t mean that you can’t go on buying things and getting prepared. We weren’t as prepared as we should have been when Little Man was extracted from my womb (“born” isn’t exactly the right word since I had a c-section) so we were packing the night before we went to the hospital for the scheduled c-section.

    What are some of the things on your list that you still “need” to get?

    • What’s left on our list of necessities to get us through the first week or so is: Bottles and accessories, burp clothes, diapers and wipes, diaper pail, blankets, pacifier, health kit, thermometer, and clothes.

  2. Steph,

    I have half of those things still in my house and would like to part with them soon. If you find yourself suddenly in need of them, I’d be happy to run out what I have over to you. You’re still “expecting” a baby, just not in the traditional sense. This really isn’t too different from a couple who keep trying to get pregnant. They too are expecting a baby, but they don’t know exactly when their trying will “take”.

    In (I think) Yiddish culture (could be traditional Jewish), it is considered a bad omen to prepare for an upcoming baby too far in advance. Dan’s grandmother wouldn’t get anything prepared for a baby until literally a few weeks before she was due. She feels the same way now, and still feels one should prepare a room suited to either gender regardless of what an ultrasound says.

  3. Don’t fret about the shower. We found out on a Monday that we were getting Bree. Don’s family threw together a shower for six days later on Sunday. They didn’t even mail invites… they made phone calls. A neighbor gave us a really cute outfit that she wore to her shower. I am sure that gifts will start coming in quickly once you know you are getting the baby. I wasn’t able to make myself put a nursery together in advance, so we did it all in less than a week. It will all work out. The waiting time does really drag though. It seems like we have to wait for all the best things in life.

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