Caffeinated Salad

Okay, so, this post is not exactly about adoption, but it’s a light read. I mentioned in a previous post that I’ve started to eat better…incrementally, so don’t get too excited. I’m sure that if a dietician were to view my eating habits, their face would probably melt ala Raiders of the Lost Ark. Well, you can take my soda from my cold dead fingers. Besides, with all that corn syrup, I’m actually being a true American and supporting Iowa corn farmers. You can send me my medal in the mail.

Anyway, fruits and vegetables and I have had a checkered past. I had them growing up, and eschewed them when I got older. Why waste precious stomach space on rabbit food? Most vegetables I ate I was tricked into eating. Carrots cooked in brown sugar, peas stuck to my pot roast, and any that were hiding in my soups.

Fruits were better, I enjoy a variety of them, but there is still contention between us. Fruit fired the first shot when they sent their cantaloupe troops to try to suffocate me (ok, a bit over dramatic, but cantaloupe does make my lips swell and get tingly). I fired back with harsh rhetoric declaring that “Fruit is not a dessert!”. Clearly I wasn’t buying into the fact that dessert could have nutritional value. It can’t be dessert unless Dr. Oz has declared it detrimental to my health. (Not the best life planning, but hey, I’m the guy who’s watched the movie Aeon Flux three times, twice realizing that “Hey, I’ve seen this already, and I still think it sucks.”)

I’m going to be a father soon. This comes with many responsibilities, including teaching the kids how to tie their shoelaces, why the Yankees are evil, and eating right. The best way to encourage a good behavior is to model it yourself, ergo I must eat better. Plus, I get the added benefit of living longer, so that’s good.

There have been surprises. I kind of like broccoli. Well, like is too strong a word, more like I don’t find myself thinking that an early death doesn’t sound too bad while eating it. Hey, progress is progress.

My latest transition is the salad. You know, that stuff in a bowl that people munch on until their real food comes out. I’ve been avoiding for years, until I realized that it can be a delivery system for foods like cheese! (Yes, I could have realized this early, but I’m also the guy who recommended my wife watch a Lady Chatterley movie thinking it was something akin to Jane Eyre.  She swiftly set me straight.) Cheese, croutons, sugary dressing all can come with the salad.

After a while you get used to eating the grass, or leaves, whatever that green stuff is in there. It’s like when I started to drink coffee. Why would anyone in their right mind drink water flavored by dirt. It’s disgusting. Then someone introduces you to Starbucks, you drink something that is sugar with a dash of coffee, and then 3 weeks later you’re cursing the line because you need your fix. Maybe salad should add caffeine to the ingredients?

So now I’m eating a salad with my meal. When my meal comes, I’m eating less of that than before (I know, it’s obvious, but I’m also the guy who wondered who the girl Mia Moore was in Color Me Badd’s “I Adore Mi Amor”.) Last week we were eating at a steakhouse, and before you know it, I’m having a Caesar salad with my steak (which I only ate half of), broccoli and finished off with a dessert of …. cinnamon apples. Fruit as dessert! Who am I?!

At the end of the day, each step towards a better diet will be beneficial for me, and will set a better example for the kids. Now you have to excuse me, I think I see that Aeon Flux is on tonight (Charlize Theron, after winning the Oscar in an action flick, it can’t lose!)


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