For the privacy of all involved, I’m not going to go into details, but things are not going quite as smoothly as hoped. When we were going through our classes, we heard many stories from other adoptive parents regarding their adoption stories. I don’t recall any of them being a smooth ride. Why did I think our journey would somehow be different? As Scott mentioned in his interview of himself in an earlier post, he doesn’t want to write a book because that means something eventful would have to happen on our adoption journey. Maybe this is God’s way of telling us we need to write a book?! With the roller coaster of emotions that I am feeling, it would probably be a good story.
I am beginning to question if the adoption is going to happen. When we were first matched I gave it about a 90% probability and now I feel closer to 60-70%. I know those are still pretty good odds, but when your heart is involved, it’s a little harder to swallow. There’s a part of me that will give or do just about anything for the birthmother to just tell me now that she doesn’t plan on placing her child. Then again I realize that it is her prerogative, as the child’s mother, to choose to parent her child. I can not imagine what she must be feeling. I suppose that my feelings of loss if she chooses not to place her child would be far less than what she will experience if she does.
While looking for support and words of encouragement on online forums I came across a forum for birthmothers. After reading a few of the blog posts, I feel like I am a monster. In their eyes we are not adopting children, we are stealing children, paying for children, coercing and bribing mothers to give us their children, shaming them into giving us their children, using them for their children and then throwing them to the curb, etc. I thought I had already worked out this question for myself before we started this process, but are we doing the right thing? Are we supposed to adopt? Are we supposed to be parents?
I wish I could tell you all what is happening. We could really use the support, but we appreciate that you are all here for us in other ways, supporting us with your thoughts and prayers. Just know that we need them now more than ever. I think our bumpy ride is just beginning, so we had better fasten our seat-belts and hang on.