The captain has turned on the fasten seat-belt sign…

For the privacy of all involved, I’m not going to go into details, but things are not going quite as smoothly as hoped.  When we were going through our classes, we heard many stories from other adoptive parents regarding their adoption stories.  I don’t recall any of them being a smooth ride.  Why did I think our journey would somehow be different?  As Scott mentioned in his interview of himself in an earlier post, he doesn’t want to write a book because that means something eventful would have to happen on our adoption journey.  Maybe this is God’s way of telling us we need to write a book?!  With the roller coaster of emotions that I am feeling, it would probably be a good story.

I am beginning to question if the adoption is going to happen.  When we were first matched I gave it about a 90% probability and now I feel closer to 60-70%.  I know those are still pretty good odds, but when your heart is involved, it’s a little harder to swallow.  There’s a part of me that will give or do just about anything for the birthmother to just tell me now that she doesn’t plan on placing her child.  Then again I realize that it is her prerogative, as the child’s mother, to choose to parent her child.  I can not imagine what she must be feeling.  I suppose that my feelings of loss if she chooses not to place her child would be far less than what she will experience if she does.

While looking for support and words of encouragement on online forums I came across a forum for birthmothers.  After reading a few of the blog posts, I feel like I am a monster.  In their eyes we are not adopting children, we are stealing children, paying for children, coercing and bribing mothers to give us their children, shaming them into giving us their children, using them for their children and then throwing them to the curb, etc.  I thought I had already worked out this question for myself before we started this process, but are we doing the right thing?  Are we supposed to adopt?  Are we supposed to be parents?

I wish I could tell you all what is happening.  We could really use the support, but we appreciate that you are all here for us in other ways, supporting us with your thoughts and prayers.  Just know that we need them now more than ever.  I think our bumpy ride is just beginning, so we had better fasten our seat-belts and hang on.


3 responses

  1. I’m so sorry it’s not going as you planned. I suppose it would be best to hope the mother realized she can in fact raise the child herself. It is the ideal ending of course but it hurts for YOU. I’m sure this is cliche, but I believe that you will end up with the child you are meant to have. It applies in so many situations. I selfishly wanted only a girl for my 1st child and literally cried for a good day after finding out he was a boy. I quickly realized that I was given not the child I thought I wanted, but the child I needed. I cannot imagine him being anyone but who he is today. Ironically I hoped for a 2nd boy when we I found out I was pregnant with our daughter. I realize this isn’t at all like your situation but maybe it helps to know that we all have to struggle to accept what is meant to be. I am down a lot about living in this apartment which is too small for a family of 4 but I keep telling myself that the house we’re meant to have just isn’t available or built yet and it’ll happen when it is meant to be.

    I’m sure you realize that you have so many people wishing your family the best and we feel the hurt along with you.

  2. You know you have our support!

    I have a colleague here at work that has three biological children, and one adopted child. he has said that no matter what, when it comes to ‘different’ families, there will ALWAYS be someone saying something negative. No one knows your specific situation, so no one should judge you, ever.

    Y’all are MEANT to be parents. Kids need loving parents. I don’t see the problem!!

  3. Sending thoughts and prayers from Chicago. I hope it turns out the way it is meant to be. I can’t imagine how stressful the process is.

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