Twas the night before yesterday, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even my spouse.
The baby stockings were stored with care,
In hopes that our baby soon would be there.
Quinton was nestled all snug in our bed,
While visions of snausauges danced in his head.
And mamma in her pjs, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter’s nap.
When out in the hall there arose such a clatter,
Quinton sprang from the bed to see what was the matter.
Away to our heads he flew like a flash,
Tore open our eyes in a dash.
The air was quiet, wouldn’t you know
“Quinton crawl back neath our blankets below”.
When, what to my wondering ears should hear,
But a miniature beep, and rang in my ear.
With a little old bladder, so lively and free,
I knew in a moment he also had to pee.
More rapid than eagles his pleas they came,
And he grunted, and hopped, and called my name!
“Now Scott! now, Papa! now, Dad and Father!
Or, Steph! Or, Mama! or Mom and Mother!
To the bottom of the steps! to the door!
Now dash away! Dash away or I’ll go on the floor!”
And down the stairs I would fly,
Out the door, an eye to the sky.
So up to the house-top the beep was still there,
With a full bladder, Quinton didn’t care.
And then, in a twinkling, I had saw
The prancing and pawing of each little paw.
As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Back into the warm house with a bound.
He was dressed all in fur, from his head to his foot,
And the beep to him was all but moot.
I picked him up in care of his back,
And carried him up to hit the sack.
The beep-how it shrieked! its tone so alarming!
My cheeks were like roses, the cold was harming!
The fire alarm was slowly dying,
In the room next to which we were lying.
Too much to do, I gritted my teeth,
Back down the stairs, past the wreath.
Please let us have a battery in the closet, a 9 volt,
Or off to the gas station I’ll soon have to bolt!
A car seat base blocked the closet,
Why wasn’t it installed yet!
A crack of the door and a twist of my head,
Soon gave me to know I had nothing to dread.
I spoke not a word, but went straight to work,
And grabbed a battery, then turned with a jerk.
And laying my finger aside my nose,
And giving a nod, up the stairs I rose!
I sprang on chair, to my wife gave a whistle,
And changed the battery as fast as a thistle.
But I did exclaim, as I flipped off the light,
“Why do batteries only die after midnight?!”