Talented Baby

When I was childless, I told myself I wouldn’t be one of “those” parents. You know, the parent that takes everything good that their child does and assumes that means their child is a genius. Parent : “Who was the star of High Noon?” Baby : “COO” Parent : “Gary COOper, that’s correct! Our baby is a super genius!”. Parents are idiots.

I took all of 15 minutes with our girl before I became an idiot. “My God, she’s holding my finger. She’s so dexterous! She’ll be gripping a tennis racket in no time!” Two days ago I was reading her Dr. Seuss’s Go Dog Go, and she was reading along with me. Sure, her dog came out “ya”, but it’s only because her mouth hasn’t caught up to her brain yet.

So, to bide our time until our girl inevitably works for Apple creating the iHologram phone while playing for the US Olympic Soccer teams, let’s look at the obvious signs our baby’s super ability.

The Ability to Manipulate Objects in Space

You remember the scene from JFK where Costner is talking about the Magic Bullet (or the spoof on Seinfeld with The Magic Loogie) where the bullet somehow took a 90 angle mid flight? Well our girl has that ability. How else could there be holding a burp rag in front of her mouth and somehow the spit up floats over it and lands on my pants?

Attention Magnet

What’s the difference between these two pictures :


If you said baby, you’d be correct. If you said Steph got a haircut, you’d be the first. She lopped off her hair, and went and visited her coworkers. She had friends and family come by. It wasn’t noticed. That’s because of the Attention Magnet she was holding. No attention can escape her. “You will submit to my cuteness!”

Financial Magician

She was alive for all of ten days in 2011, yet she somehow figured out how to make the government send us a refund check! This has earned her the nickname “Daddy’s little tax break”.

Police Officer for Miami PD

She and her brother Dexter have been solving crimes for the past five years down in Miami. Wait, I’m sorry. I sometimes get her confused with her Hollywood look alike Jennifer Carpenter.

Gainer of Preferential Treatment

Perhaps it’s due to her Hollywood looks, but she does seem to get the Hollywood treatment. Hordes of visitors, to ns of pictures taken of her, and even a fan site. Why, a few weekends ago we went to the Dayton Art Institute to see the Norman Rockwell exhibit. After standing in line for a bit, security came over and snuck us into the exhibit through the back door. Hopefully she won’t let this all go to her head.

Hulking Up

With the Hulk, once he got mad he would turn green and rage everywhere. His catch phrase was “You wouldn’t like me mad”. Our girl decided green wasn’t her color, so when she gets mad, her whole body turns red (bath time proves this). Her catch phrase is the same.

Jedi Mind Tricks

Baby : You do not need to sleep Daddy : I do not need to sleep

Baby : You need to make me a bottle Daddy : I need to make a bottle

Baby : You will rock me to sleep Daddy : I will rock you to sleep

Soccer Savant

She already kicks at a 4 month level, and is currently working on her headers!


2 responses

  1. Your baby is wonderfully talented! I especially like “Hulking Up” and “Soccer Savant.” Dad, on the other hand, needs to work on either his reading skills or his memory, because “Go, Dog, Go” was penned by P.D. Eastman. 🙂

  2. Mistakes like that will not be tolerated. We will immediately fire our fact checker and …(what’s that, I’m the fact checker!) Mistakes have been made, but we still support our fact checker and hope that he does a better job next time.

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