The Scary Bracket

In honor of the most exciting weekend in sports (the first two rounds of the NCAA basketball tournament), I introduce the Scary Bracket, 16 things that scare us about raising baby.

Sweet Sixteen

“You Suck” vs. “I Suck”

We’re all trying to do the best we can, and it really only matters what we think…but our nature wants approval from others.  We want those who love us to not think we are terrible parents.  Or overprotective.  So while we really don’t want people to think we suck as parents, the winner of this round is our own self doubt.  What are we doing?  Why did we think we could do this?  Much scarier.

Growing up too fast vs. Not moving to the next phase

Can’t you just sleep more?  Would you stop crying?  Eva’s response, “You have to wait until I grow out of this phase”.  I don’t know how many times I’ve thought, “I just need to make it until she grows out of {annoying habit}.  Then it will be better.  Then you worry that you’ll never sleep again.  Scary!  Alas, not as scary as growing up too fast.  They move on to the next phase, and things will be better (until you figure out what’s annoying in that phase), but you can never turn back the clock.  Once they’ve grown, its gone forever.

Using Daycares vs. Never having a break

We love our daycare….but it’s not us.  Our angel is not the center of attention there, and our time apart is heartbreaking.  Heartbreaking, but probably necessary.  Eva’s not the center of the universe (although, that still hasn’t been proven to me), so learning that is probably good.  The scarier here is never having a break.  If you don’t get a break, you’ll probably break (down).

Sterile Environment vs. Strangers

Some people speculate that the rise of allergies (like hay fever or peanut) is a direct result of our air conditioned homes and anti-bacterial wipes, instead of having kids eat bacteria filled dirt from the yard (or something like that).  Well, I like my AC, and although peanut allergies are scary, I’ve had allergies for a long time and I’m still happy.  No, the scarier here is strangers.  You don’t hear “Never trust anti-bacterial soap”, but you do hear “Never trust strangers”.  “Stranger danger”, not “Avoid the germ perm”.

Not Enough Clothes vs. Too Much Clothes

If baby clothes makers just put random months on their clothes, would we know the difference?  Three months may mean two months or four months, but most likely not three it seems.  So what to do?  Do you buy that cute outfit for the rotation, or not because she may wear it only once.  The scarier here is not enough because I don’t want to admit we’re a society that worries about having too much warm clothing.

Too big vs. Too small

You work the math in your head.  Ok, 2.5 x her weight = # of ounces.  10 lbs x 2.5 = 25.  Wait, she ate 28 ounces today!  She’s filling out her three month pjs and she isn’t two yet!  I’m overfeeding her!  Again, the scariest is too small because we’re lucky that she’s able to not go hungry.

Only You vs. Not You

What if she only wanted you to hold her, feed her, change her, etc?  Besides the awesomness of being the favorite, would that drive you a bit batty?  Or worse cause some sort of rivalry between spouses?  Maybe, but her loving you is still better than her not loving you, so Not You is the scarier here.

Over slept vs. Under slept

One of our biggest panic moments was when she slept for more that three hours.  We didn’t wake up!  Is she alright!  Yes, she just slept more like a normal person.  Once this happens again, you realize it’s not scary, but amazing.  However, not enough sleep for either baby or parents is never amazing.

NEVER.

ELITE EIGHT

I Suck vs. Age Fast

You can change your opinion of yourself (hopefully).  You can’t slow time (well, unless you’re watching a results show which stretches 30 seconds of news into an hour).  Eva growing older is scarier.

Never having a break vs. Strangers

Tough matchup, but stranger danger scares again.  I still trust sleep deprived Scott over I just coughed in my hand and want to touch your babies cute cheeks stranger.

Not enough clothes vs. Too Small

Rewearing an outfit with spit-up or having medical issues due to weight?  Yeah, I could deal with spittle.  Too Small easily scarier.

Under Slept vs. Not You

Under slept is not personal.  She’s not trying to stay awake because she hates you.  She might be staying awake to be with you!  How can that be worse than I don’t want you to hold me.  Not You moves to the final four of scary.

FINAL FOUR

Age Fast vs. Strangers

The worse things that strangers can do are far worse than growing up, but those happen to a very small percentage of people.  There is a 100% chance she won’t stay a baby forever.  Aging fast sneaks by strangers.

Too Small vs. Not You

At the end of the day, I’m in this to raise a well-rounded healthy child, not boost my ego.  Too Small is still scarier.

FINALS

Age Fast vs. Too Small

I know the answer should be Too Small, because growing up makes us human.  The thing is that I feel we can somewhat control the size issue with food and pediatric help if necessary.  Now, with Eva going to daycare, the fear is that we’ll miss out on so much of her life.  She’s growing every day, and what we miss is gone forever.  The winner of the Scary Bracket is Aging Too Fast.  ATF is excited to be the scariest, after finishing second in the preseason tournament of what advice was told to us the most, behind “Get Your Sleep Now”.

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